Last night my cousin Luke spoke to me from the grave. He appeared to me in a dream. Which is weird because we never really spoke much, while I was an adult. Luke was older than my mother, the head of his own household, but I alway thought he was cool. Ice cold. But what is does a kid say to a grown up that he would want to talk about?

Who knows? Anyway, in my dream I was at a family function, bored. I wanted to hop on the phone and call my ex. Remember there are no more relationships, just situations and agreements? I digress.

Maybe this is why Luke came to me in the dream, because he got tired of staring down on me sulking from heaven. I was sitting at the table when he walked in. He made a few jokes, I laughed mostly focused on my phone. Casual conversation, he mentioned something about me being able to bring a girl into the spare room. I explained to him that I didn’t know anyone in South Carolina.

He said, “What the fuck does that got to do with it? You can’t go out and get you someone to bring home?”

I woke up immediately. The way people wake up in scary movies when they have a bad dream. Yet, this wasn’t a nightmare. His comment floored me. Of course I could. I could get up and use my charm, wit and good looks to produced the baddest woman in the world into my life. #CultivatedLife. I just don’t do it. It’s not even an option for me when I can just go on twitter, facebook and Instagram  meet a new woman.

I used to do this all the time when I was younger, but the internet sorta killed that for me. I wonder if I’m the only one. You see I’ve been meeting women online for well over 13 years now. Hell, my second black planet page was created in 2000, so it’s been a long time. Since I had to go out in the streets, walk up to a beautiful woman I don’t know, spark up a conversation, get the digits, and you know the rest.

Since the creation of the internet, I’d much rather find a profile and court a woman that way. If you can call that courting. But I even stopped doing that. It’s not that I got lazy, per say.

I just used my “friends” as a safety net. I’ve got bored with multiple girls I met online or at an industry event. I got used to having someone to call, if I didn’t want to go out and run the streets. I got comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship even though I wasn’t in a relationship.

But I tell you to say that the internet has sort of killed the art of trying to holla for me. In person? Do civilized people still do that? Let’s discuss this in the comment section.

“That ain’t my shorty I just thought it was…” @kevin_gates the prophet. #IDGAF about nothing.

— Xilla(@BlogXilla) May 7, 2013

Written by Ariana G. for BlogXilla.com

When I think about relationships, I think of the word partnership. The 50/50, I scratch your back, you scratch mine, “if you keep it real with me, I keep it real with you” kind of deal. Now, I’m not referencing the sentimental, walk in the park and kiss me under the stars part of the relationship. This is more of the full-time job, day in and day out, “love won’t pay the bills” part of the relationship. However you want to dissect those lengthy descriptions, my point is that when it comes down to it, love takes work…from both people. Unfortunately as many of us have come to find out in our own unscripted soap-opera tinged love lives, this doesn’t always happen. This, my friends is called not pulling your weight.

This issue is not exclusive to one gender. A man or woman can be guilty of not putting in their half of the work. Case in point: the textbook case of the good-for-nothing man and the hardworking woman. While she’s getting up at the crack of the dawn to maneuver the crowded subway to get to a job that’s working her to the bone, he’s just chillin’ like Brotha Man from the 5th (raises four fingers) Floor. He doesn’t help out around the house, provide love, comfort, and support to his woman, or attempt to take care of problems as they arise. Clearly, he’s not pulling his weight. As a result, she’s a mix of 1 part rage and 1 part sadness with a splash of disappointment.

Now, consider the flip side, the classic good guy. He makes an honest living and works very hard to build financial security, not swag. He does his best to make his woman feel like the most beautiful, wanted, and loved creature to walk the earth. He’s not perfect (but hey, no person is) but he makes it his business to do right by his woman. While he’s putting in work, his woman can be found laying back doing nothing. She’s never satisfied with the effort he puts forth. She’ll make him go to the ends of the earth for her and even then, she still wants him to go further. She’ll nag and complain and you can bet that she won’t oblige the slightest request her man makes. Clearly, she’s not pulling her weight. Now he dreads dealing with her and his life plays out like that Gil Scott-Heron song: “Home is where the hatred is / Home is filled with pain / And it might not be such a bad idea if I never, never went home again.”

I can sit here and write all day about how wrong that is and that if you happen to be in that type of relationship, find someone better. But it’s my creative and seemingly civic duty to go at this from another angle. If you happen to be in a relationship, it pays to sometimes ask yourself “Have I been pulling my weight?” Truth be told, it’s easy to sometimes to get caught up in what we [women] see our honey not doing that we don’t notice where we come up short (pause). We want our partner to do what he can to make us happy, but we don’t keep in mind that the concept goes both ways. So before you go all Janet Jackson on him and break out with a rendition of “What Have You Done for Me Lately?” make sure he can’t ask you the same thing. Remember, it’s not about what you can get out of a relationship; it’s about what you put into it.

And in the words of Jerry Springer, take care of yourself, and each other.

In your opinion, what does it mean to pull your weight in a relationship? How do you deal with a significant other not pulling his/her weight?

Arguments in a relationship can be a good thing. Matter fact if it wasn’t for an argument I never would of started this blog and I can honestly say I don’t know where would I be in life?

I remember first time I wrote a blog, I was sitting on one of my extra dining room chairs that my mother had given me when I moved out of her house. The chair was placed in the corner of my bedroom in front of a shelf I purchased from Walmart and my 19 inch tube computer monitor sat on that white shelf that cost about 14 bucks.

The computer dock sat on the bottom shelf and papers were all over the place. I pushed a pile of papers on the floor, crumbled up the aluminum foil that once wrapped my Italian Cheeseburger and threw that next to my almost empty snapple bottle on my TV stand.

The food made me feel better, that was until my phone rang, I didn’t want to answer it because I knew who it was, my baby mother calling to argue again.  I don’t remember what we were arguing about. It could of been the time I cheated on her, or about the time she cheated on me, or the time we were just mad at each other because we knew we had to deal with each other for 18 years.

Whatever it was, it felt like life would implode if we didn’t argue right then and there. We both said horrible things to each other. One of us eventually hung up without any notice or without saying goodbye. This happened too many times for me to exactly recall who did what, but I do remember this.

I sparked a blunt, or a Newport or a blunt and a Newport. I logged on to MySpace. Because I just knew she wrote about me. I hit my inbox, no messages, I didn’t see a bulletin from her at all, clicked her name. Private. You couldn’t tell me she didn’t write a blog about me or something.

Oh hell no! Call me any name you want, tell me your new guy is better than me or how I don’t live up to your ex, but block me on MySpace! It’s war. I did what any other petty person would do I wrote a blog. At the time I was so insecure about my writing I called it a poem.

It was a bunch of lines telling her exactly how I felt. It stated all the things I did that she had no clue I had done. I wrote it specifically to hurt her feelings. I clicked publish, turned off my phone, smoked another cigarette and went to sleep.

The next morning 100 people read my poem. I got a comment from a white girl with a black girl booty. We ended up kicking it. I wrote more blogs. I called my ex the virus that killed the Easter bunny. I wrote another poem, “my baby mother is testing me, stressing me to do something cleaver, rude, and that made for an ill poetic line.” 5000 people read that post. More comments. More subscribers. I blogged more and more, soon I wasn’t even thinking about the mother of my child any more.

In fact the more I blogged the more women I met. Pretty girls, from places that I only dreamed of going. The comments on my scribes grew. I asked this one girl to read my blog she said I don’t like reading poetry. So I wrote a blog.

It was more like one giant block of words and someone left a comment and said your stuff is good but you should start breaking up your sentences. Oh that was smart, why didn’t I think of that? So I did it.

I wrote every day on MySpace for 3 years I was getting 50,000 to 150,000 views on each blog I wrote. Comments would appear before I even got the time to click publish and go view what I had just written.

Meanwhile the girls all seemed to love me. My inbox was flooded with proposals from women. Messages read “I am going to be in Atlanta I want to meet you.” It was insane.

Girls from all over stopped by my Atlanta apartment like I was a tourist attraction. I deep 9 the girl from Texas. The girl from North Carolina gave it up and then got mad because I didn’t want to be with her. A girl from Cali wanted love, Girls from New York wanted to be my Ride of Die Chick.

Writing opened my world to a bunch of things and I didn’t even have my own website yet. So I started my own site. I left MySpace, I never imagined that I would become a professional blogger I just knew I wanted to blog.

If I wasn’t blogging I probably still be working some job that paid me enough to afford my rent, cable and good food. Occasionally enough to go on a trip or two when I have vacation time. I’d be the guy with a good job. I wouldn’t have my career. I would probably be stuck with a woman I no longer loved, who was a size 3 when we met but is now a size 14.

I was scared as hell when I quit my job, but I knew I would be successful. To think I owe this all to a stupid argument with my baby mother. Ha! She’s a good friend now and I am grateful we had that fight that night. In a way I owe this to her.

Since I started writing I’ve met Robert Dinero, Eddie Murphy, Drake, Wiz Khalifa, Matt Damon, Ben Stiller, Robert Redford, Anthony Mackie, Noreaga, Amber Rose, Zoe Kravitz, Jordin Sparks and more people my mother loves to tell her friends her son met.

I’ve led a full life, but I still have more things to do. I have to find someone to share this with, I don’t believe that Black Girls Are Easy, regardless of how entertaining the blog might be. What up homie? I am don’t believe that just because my skin color is darker that I have to marry someone who resembles my shade of gray. I believe that there are good women, black, white latina, asian and everything else.

In relationships we will have arguments and disagreements but they should make us better. It’s the reason why the presidential race calls for debates so we can figure things out. So an argument or a disagreement isn’t a bad thing. It could very well be your launching point to greatness.

Written by Robin Smith Specifically For BlogXilla.com 

In the recent blog post, Stop Giving It Up For VIP Access And A Couple Of Sips From My Bottle, the question was posed: which is better the freaky girl or the good girl?

On the surface, it appears the freaky girl wins, but ultimately, the good girl actually does. With that said, you can be naughty, freaky, or whatever name you want to assign to it and still be the good girl, you just have to know how to do it. Being freaky only really implies two things: that you’re confident and enjoy sex. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. The difference between the freaky girl and the Sexual Intellectual is that the freaky girl puts it out there for all to see and have, while the good girl shares it with only one person.

If you’re a good girl who’s been trying to tap into your freaky girl side, you’ve come to the right place. Use some of these fun tips and tricks to embrace your inner freak.

Share your fantasies

Do you and your partner primarily kick it missionary and vanilla style? If so, you can change it up by sharing some of your deepest and darkest fantasies with each other. You might feel a little shy at first, but be rest assured that even some of your weirdest fantasies are actually quite normal. Once you’ve shared a few with each other, pick one or two to actually live out. Maybe it includes role playing or a little BDSM, whatever it is make it happen!
Dress it up

Wearing lingerie can be a really great way to tap into a different side of yourself and find some hidden confidence. Lingerie can help you shelve some inhibitions you may have and really let you let go. Look for a few pieces that flatter your shape and will knock your partner out. Make it extra special by picking something in their favorite color, doing your hair and donning some stilettos. You’ll feel freakier by the moment.
Toy around

Get to know yourself better and bring some new fun to the bedroom by getting a sex toy–or a few. Go to your nearest adult toy store like Adam & Eve and look for a toy that you think could be fun to use on your own and a toy that you could mix with your partner. The Rabbit vibrator, made famous by Sex and the City, has stood the test of time and remains at the top for being one of the best vibrators you can get. Pick one of those up for yourself and get a cock ring for a little extra bedroom fun. Make your trip even better by having your partner go with you.
Get tantric with it

Check out local tantric sex classes if you feel like your sexing skills are lacking or like you need a deeper connection with your partner. Tantric sex classes can teach you new moves and tricks, as well as how to truly connect with your partner during sex, have multiple orgasms and give you more sexual confidence. Freaky sex and tantric sex go hand-in-hand.
Talk it up

The easiest and sexiest way to be the freaky girl is to start talking dirty. If you’re a little intimidated, start by sending your partner a few sexy text messages. From there you can read each other pages of an erotic novel, or you can just dive in. Tell your partner when you like something or how something feels. Use this guide to get yourself started and see where it can go. Your partner will be pleasantly surprised.

The church girl versus the freaky girl which one is better?

At first glance one might say its the freaky girl. She is the object of affection all rap videos, all movies and even commercials. The gallant prince risk life and limb to win the beautiful princess. Who just so happens to be a willing virgin with double d breast and long hair. Music is no different you have to be willing to pop it open for a real nigga and that doesn’t mean when the preacher ask you to open your bible to Romans 4:17.

If you let today’s society tell it, you have to be a freaky bitch if you ever expect to get a ring. They want you to think “hoes” be winning, and maybe they are, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Right now most men and women have a if you can’t be them join them philosophy. So good girls are giving it up to anyone who sells them a dream in an effort to have a better life or even a chance to stand on couches in the VIP and pop a few bottles.

I used to spew this rhetoric telling women the way to win a man’s heart is to open up your legs and do the things these rappers are rapping about. The thing is I only told that to the women I wanted to sleep with, never to the women I wanted to settle down with. You see there are still some women out there who demand a dude treat them like a queen. If he is not treating her how she wants to be treated he will get X’d out, replaced or banished to the friend zone quicker than those Harlem Shake Videos got old.

You see there is hope for the church girls, the good chicks and the chicks who don’t want to pimp their body for the idea of getting a man to be with them. Now don’t get me wrong a good woman must be a sexual intellectual. That’s when a “freaky” girl has all the qualities of being a good woman but only desires to be with one guy. To safely practice her sexual desires with one partner, regardless of how extreme those Desires. She only wish to have it with him.

This can be accomplished and must be accomplished or else marriage will die. Relationships will die. We must demand more from the people we give our sex too.

So while the freaky girl might be winning right now. Her lead is shrinking, there is hope for the good chick. If not come twerk for a good because until we find the one us men are going to take advantage of all the free sex being passed out by this lost generation of females.

There are no more girlfriends and boyfriends have been extinct since around the time that Snoop Dogg dropped his first album. A few years ago someone said you’re single unless you’re married and the whole idea of a relationship went poof.

There are no more couples just people who love each other without titles. Everyone I know is in a “situation.” They have a friend, with no title. They are just fucking someone. They are cut buddies. They are kind of sort of dating. If you’re in a situation like this I’d like to apologize.

You see it’s partially my fault. For the last 6 years I helped promote this mind set. In 2011 I wrote:

I am a veteran of casual sex and I take pride in the fact that I am an OG jump-off. I don’t have to worry about anyone trying to check my phone, read my DM’s or question me about my facebook relationship status. I’d rather NOT enter into a relationship than live a lie.

Well in the Summer of 2012 all of that changed. I started to want to be in a relationship, but I understand girls don’t want boyfriends, and now they not only want a business like Oprah, they want a relationship like Oprah as well. In 2009 the OWN Network owner said:

“Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”

Love hasn’t changed. It’s just a lot harder to actually get the title. That’s a good thing. We need to make sure the person we give the title to is worthy of it. We can always go back and retro-actively apply the title-less time to the amount of time we’ve been together. I must go back to how I felt 3 years ago and ask if the following things are happening is a title still important to me?

• Time After Time: If your boo is spending all day on the phone with you, all day texting you, and hours upon hours at your house or you at theirs. Does it really matter what you call each other as long as you enjoy the time you share together?
• The Gift That Keeps On Giving: Every Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Birthday or Two Week Anniversary they give you a gift, so is being a special friend really that bad?
• Generic Questions: How was your day? Did you enjoy dinner? Does your feet hurt? Can I get you anything? If your title-less lover really cares about the answers to any of these questions you could call them Frankenstein and still fall in love hard.
• Satisfaction: If you’re beyond pleased in the bedroom. Is any other name beside the person’s government important?
• Nothing: The moment when they hold you in their arms, or when they lay in yours, and nothing matters. Ask yourself at that moment if they called you the Waka Flocka to their Gucci Mane would it even matter?

But I’ve made a goal to rebuild black love. A goal to help the 18-28 year olds understand that there isn’t anything wrong with being in a relationship. That men still court and should court, they just have to demand it. I also want to teach dudes the definition of courting because falling in love is an art. But in the words of John Mayer, “Coupling is a tricky thing.”

Follow me on twitter:

She basically just walked in said #MyNameIsNotSusan #Scandal

— Xilla(@BlogXilla) April 5, 2013

photo via M. Clay Photography.

Written by Ron Brown For BlogXilla.com

I have a tendency to drive beyond the speed limit when on the highway. I drive even faster when I am running late! For the most part, no harm, no foul, as I usually get to my destination as anticipated. But every now and then, the red and blue lights of a police cruiser appear in my rear view mirror and the pigs give me a ticket. I got pulled over the other day–this being the 6th time in my driving history where I have been issued a speeding citation. I have been driving forever, so 6 times, relative to how long I have been driving is not that bad, but it is far worse than it should be! I wonder if we would constantly make the same mistakes in relationships if there were the possibility that every time we made one, a flashing red and blue light would appear with an officer ready to penalize us for our actions?

Think about having a girlfriend that you are very serious about. You trust one another and you are on a path to a long term bond–possibly marriage and a family. Any infidelity would destroy the possibility of you enjoying the life of your dreams. You are a good person who has a very flirtatious demeanor. You also have a history of failed relationships because you get caught cheating. One day while at work, that cute co-worker that has you in the Fabolous “Ready” state of mind… You know–”No cup for the thirsty, she bad as controversy, skin tone like Hershey, body lord have mercy” …responds to your charismatic ways. She is ready to take it to the next level and presses you for a “drink after work”. Now, you and I both know where this is heading… trouble. You are weak and accept her invitation–things start to get heated when out of no where… whoop whoop–you are interrupted by the po po and slapped with a morality situation!

When people make mistakes, you hear the common cliché “I am only human”. I have come to learn, that while this cliché has merit, it is also an excuse for many who deliberately (even if unrealized) make repeated mistakes. It is one thing to unknowingly make a mistake–it is another thing altogether to not learn from them! How many times do we break up with someone for essentially the same reasons? How many times do we scheme and plot to cheat against our partners, family, bosses, legal system, etc.–despite failing and being punished with some form of consequence? Most of us know, understand and ignore one concept–that the moment we are made aware that we did something wrong, we are accountable for every future occurrence, as we can no longer claim “I didn’t know” what I was doing was wrong. In fact, every-time you do it going forward, you are making a conscience decision to make a mistake, except when you do, it is technically not a “mistake”, it becomes “on purpose (purposeful)”. We all make mistakes and that will never change, but we need to get sharper in our ability to learn from them. I am not perfect and may never be, but that does not mean I don’t strive for it. I make less mistakes than most because I seize the opportunity to learn from and correct them.

Essentially, what I am getting at is this… We are a collection of our triumphs and failures, our strengths and weaknesses, our decisions and lack thereof. We all have an opportunity for happiness and true greatness and yet every mistake we make is an obstacle to this truth. Taking advantage of our mistakes, sooner rather than later, will get us to our desired destinations faster with less regret. While it can be argued that some mistakes need to be made, it is rare that they need to happen repeatedly. Be smart, be wise and be human enough to make mistakes and learn from them!

Ron Brown – Smart people surround themselves with smart people–truly smart people surround themselves with people smarter than themselves!

Photo By Last Night’s Party

Written by Ariana G for BlogXilla.com

The 20s is a critical time in any woman’s life. However, when you throw relationships into the equation, many people are quick to give you a laundry list of why you shouldn’t do it. Trust me, I should know. From the unwanted “You should date around and enjoy your life” speech to the snide comments about the seriousness of my relationship, I’ve heard it all. And to all of it, I’ve rolled my eyes, politely nodded, told people to keep their nose and advice out of my relationship and even been two seconds away from telling someone to f*** off because she’s just a baby mama with no prospect of a ring in the near future (yeah, I was tempted to go for the jugular with that one but I figured I’d be inflicting a deep wound that wouldn’t easily heal).

Are your 20s a time that you should explore all that life has to offer like painting the town red with a bevy of sexy, young, educated men? Hell yeah. Are your 20s also a time where you happen to find someone out of that bevy of gorgeous men that you dig so much that you end up developing a relationship? Yes. Truth be told, relationships in your 20s aren’t a bad thing and shouldn’t be seen as such. Here’s why:

You’ll make (and learn from) your mistakes earlier.

Your 20s are going to be wrought with numerous mistakes. You’ll make mistakes in your finances, career, and especially your relationships. Some mistakes will be so minor that you’ll be able to brush the dirt off your shoulders and move right along. Other mistakes will be so earth-shattering that you’ll wonder if you even have the will to live afterwards. Whether the both of you are angry and say hurtful things to each other, one or both of you cheated, or you didn’t establish important boundaries early on, you can guarantee there’ll be some bang-ups in the throes of couplehood. But you know what the good thing about mistakes is? You can learn from them. By being in a relationship in your 20s, all your mistakes won’t be in vain because if you take the time to learn from them and gain valuable insight, you’ll handle future situations or relationships much better.

You’ll learn the meaning of the word compromise.  

When you’re in your 20s, you’re feeling your independence. You can do what you want with who you want for however long you want. It’s a freeing feeling that can’t be matched. Then comes along a relationship and compromise comes into play. All of a sudden, compromise looks like a major threat to your independence. However, it doesn’t have to be. Compromise simply means that the both of you are renegotiating certain things in order to be fair and considerate to each other. Now that doesn’t mean you go ahead and compromise your morals and values for your boo. That’s hustlin’ backwards and I don’t endorse that. Learning how to compromise (the right way) and be fair early on can be beneficial for your relationship and other areas in your life.

You’ll learn what you (don’t) like or want in the long run.

When you’re single, you start making lists about what you want or don’t want in a man. Pretty soon, you start taking a page out of Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas’ book and making up crazy requirements. When you’re in a relationship, you start to understand that you won’t get everything that you want in your man. For example, he may be the romantic and affectionate type but he may leave his dirty clothes in the middle of the bathroom floor. He may not make a lot of money but he’s good to you and makes sure you’re taken care of emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When you’re in a good relationship—emphasis on good—you realize what truly matters and even if things don’t work out, you’ll develop a stronger idea of what you want or need in the long run.

If you’re smart, you’ll learn how to balance “me” and “we.”

In your 20s, you’re finding yourself. You’re developing your ideas and perspectives and making your own rules. Even though it can be an awkward process filled with triumphs and upsets, it’s wonderful when you can know who you are (flaws included) and be comfortable with it. When I look at relationships today, I have such a profound respect for couples who can be together yet maintain a sense of self.  These types of relationships show us that they can enjoy each other’s company and develop a loving and giving relationship without neglecting the core of who they are as individuals. My own relationship is built on that value. Truth be told, I think it goes against my very nature to be or be with someone who’s co-dependent, needy, and/or clingy. It’s a metaphorical virus that my mind and body starts to reject, but I digress. Your newfound independence doesn’t have to take a backseat just because you’re in a relationship. Instead of going to one extreme or another, use your 20s to make your own rules and find a medium that can leave you fulfilled as an individual and as part of a couple.

Do you think relationships in your 20s are a bad idea? If so, why? If you are in a relationship in your 20s, what about it makes it worth your while?

Check out my new post on dating a man w/ kids on Married 2 The Blog…shouts to @blogxilla for the opportunity! bit.ly/15YQxMl

— Ariana G.(@718_pen_artist) March 2, 2013

I haven’t been able to write anything great lately. Every time I sit in front of the screen with the urge to write nothing comes out. It’s just hasn’t been working. Then while sitting in deep thought I began to wondering if women are responsible making sure their man remains faithful.

A lot of women, some more bitter than others will say, a man should be man enough to stay with one woman, but that’s bullshit. There are 11 women to every man, half of the men are ugly. That makes 22 women to every man, half of those guys are gay. So that puts it at 44 women for every man, but half of the guys left have a small dick. So that leaves it at 88 women for a good dude like myself so unless a woman is doing her thing the good men have a whole bunch of options.

That means a phenomenal woman must be woman enough to make sure her man has no desire to cheat, step off or even think about another woman.

With that said, women have the burden of proof. It is her job to make sure her man’s mind does like grow thoughts of getting a side chick of tapping into the 87 other women out there in search of a good dude. It’s a woman’s job to make her man feel like no other pussy is worth losing her pussy. Until you’re able to do that you are not a good woman. Point blank period.

When I tweeted this one of our members said a stray dog will stray… Now I am sure she considers herself a premium catch for a good man with the qualities of Barack Obama, but until she understands that a stray dog only strays from home because it is not treated with love, fed and rubbed to its liking she can never be considered a good woman.

A good businessman is not a great businessman until he has a successful business.

You see a man who is being treated like he wants to be treated can be in a room full of models and not give a damn about any other woman except the one he calls his own.

But it’s not all gloom and doom for you ladies thinking I did everything right and he still cheated. Well obviously you didn’t do EVERYthing right. When I was younger Coolio and MC Eiht were two of my favorite emcees. But if my girl were to buy me tickets to see them perform I would tell her she wasted her money.

All too often we waste our times trying to give our lovers stuff they no longer want any more. So a woman might be doing the right things for the guy she meet 2 or 3 years ago, but if the person is someone worth being with they are going to be a different person 2 years from the time y’all met. It’s called growth.

You see all we have to do is just pay attention to our lovers. Be observant. Listen when they talk and they will tell you exactly what they want from you… Ladies please understand a GOOD MAN doesn’t need options. If your man is dipping his stick into the pool, he is not a good man yet. He is not ripe yet, for a man understands that while having a bunch of keys is cool, you only need one to open the door of love.

Don’t believe me just read this blog. Then go back and listen to my four laws of love. You might also want to pay attention to the theory of lanes.

But as part of life it’s the woman’s job to be great enough to keep her man coming to her yard to taste her milkshake.

Photo via Jumping Jasmine via Jazzyjamjumping.tumblr.com

You can’t expect the same results as the person next to you when it comes to love because that person might be in a different lane than you. I see it all the time, a young girl is upset because the next chick has found love, while she’s still out here lonely on Friday night. Believe it or not there is a reason the big booty Judy has more men than the good woman with the good job and her head on straight. She’s not only in a different lane, she’s on a different highway.

There are three highways of love, that all have different lanes. There is the above average highway, there is the average highway and there is the below average highway. Your job in life is to figure out which highway you’re on and how to get to where you need to go as quickly and as safely as possible.

The problem is none of you know where you’re going. You’re all lost. I can’t tell you the number of times one of my females friends asked me why can’t she find a man. I tell them all the time, stop comparing yourself to what your friends are doing and start picking from the people on your own highway of love.

Example and Fact: Trey Songz is going to have an easier time pulling more attractive women than I do. Another example and fact, Rihanna is going to have an easier time getting a man than Precious. Now that’s not to say that Precious can’t find a man, but Rihanna will have a lot more options.

A lot of women are looking for a guy like Barack Obama when they are out here running the streets like Sha’Nay-Nay from Martin.  You need to come to the  conclusion that you don’t want a Barack, you wouldn’t be happy with him and you don’t deserve a guy like Barack.

Same thing for these dudes out here. You can’t get a Michelle Obama if you’re on that good kush and alcohol with a bunch of down bitches you can call. These Bitches might love you and that’s all you’re going to get out of life.

Options are the key. Sometimes we fail to understand what are options are, because we are capable of anything. Sure a Precious can pull a Trey Songz but her chances of bagging a chubby chaser that looks like Flavor Flav are a lot higher. Now, please don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying ugly people belong with ugly people, but I am saying we tend to stick to people who are at least on the same highway as we are.

Chances are you’re not going to crash into a Bugatti in the projects, and if you do, chances are it’s going to be driven by a drug dealer or hoodlum. There are people in the above average lane on the below average highway. With that said, I tend to think that above average people like above average people.

There are people with average looks who do above average things and pull above average people. This is the world we live in. So when it comes to finding love you have to ask yourself are you looking in the right place? You could be on the above average highway in the below average lane and having a hard time finding love. When you’d have a lot easier time finding love in the above average lane of the average highway. I’m just saying.

What highway and lane do you think you’re in? Do you think people are lost when it comes to the type of person they should be with? Let’s have a conversation in the comment section. 

Don’t try to change her if she likes you enough she’ll treat you how you want to be treated without you having to force her.

— Xilla(@BlogXilla) March 15, 2013