Hip Hop has raised a society of soulless women in their twenties. Yes I’m blaming hip hop for the reason there are so many heartless 2o something year old women in the world. Not men, because we have dogged and mistreated women since cavemen used to club women over the head with logs.
They’ve grown up listening to bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks. They grew up listening to stories of their older brothers playing bitches, stories of their older sisters either getting played or sleeping with so and so’s man. The things we did while listening to Snoop Dogg, Jay Z and R Kelly corrupted every child that are now in their 20s in such a way that love is now, “Lets be cut buddies,” “Who needs titles,” and “What my man doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
Then when you throw in the addition of social media you get some crazed, insane 24 year olds who completely defy logic. I had this girl get upset with me because another girl asked me why I am single. I replied “There are many reasons, but one is, I’m picky.” I didn’t mention that I was hurt, I didn’t mention that a heartless young woman had my nose open, then proceeded to destroy ever idea about love I ever had. My bad I got a little emotional, but I didn’t mention all of that.
I also didn’t mention that I asked said insane 24 year old to be official the day before and she said no! So when I was asked why am I single, I thought “I’m picky,” was the appropriate choice. Needless to say this led to an argument at 2am about why am I telling girls I’m single if I’m fucking her. I flipped out, said a lot of curse words and told this crazy woman to never call my phone again. She text me 5 minutes later, the message was long as hell. I replied to her don’t text me either.
So here are just a few quick reasons why women in their 20s have no soul.
They got called a bitch way too many times.
The music influenced some dude to really believe that all women are bitches and he totally abused some young girl.
They haven’t heard a love song from anyone under 30.
So if you try to debate me that today’s women are not heartless, I’ll win. If you want to debate me on whether or not it’s hip hop’s fault then you might stand a chance. I grew up on all of this horrible music, hell I even made some that you will probably never hear, but I digress.
I’m a man, from a certain generation we don’t take responsibility for much. So don’t bring up the fact that we’ve been playing women and destroying the idea of “waiting until marriage” since God knows when. Don’t bring up the fact that this whole casual sex thing was our idea. Don’t mention how we talked you into letting us go raw, but leave you to do our job as a dad. Despite that it’s not our fault that men in their 20s are a race of babies that hate you ladies, that make the babies.
So are women in their 20s heartless and soulless or nah?
This episode could of been called Donnell vs Xilla and since I am not a comedian, Donnell one. It was fun being roasted by Donnell. At the end of the day he’s a cool dude. This episode is funny as hell.
Last night my cousin Luke spoke to me from the grave. He appeared to me in a dream. Which is weird because we never really spoke much, while I was an adult. Luke was older than my mother, the head of his own household, but I alway thought he was cool. Ice cold. But what is does a kid say to a grown up that he would want to talk about?
When I think about relationships, I think of the word partnership. The 50/50, I scratch your back, you scratch mine, “if you keep it real with me, I keep it real with you” kind of deal. Now, I’m not referencing the sentimental, walk in the park and kiss me under the stars part of the relationship. This is more of the full-time job, day in and day out, “love won’t pay the bills” part of the relationship. However you want to dissect those lengthy descriptions, my point is that when it comes down to it, love takes work…from both people. Unfortunately as many of us have come to find out in our own unscripted soap-opera tinged love lives, this doesn’t always happen. This, my friends is called not pulling your weight.
Arguments in a relationship can be a good thing. Matter fact if it wasn’t for an argument I never would of started this blog and I can honestly say I don’t know where would I be in life?
I remember first time I wrote a blog, I was sitting on one of my extra dining room chairs that my mother had given me when I moved out of her house. The chair was placed in the corner of my bedroom in front of a shelf I purchased from Walmart and my 19 inch tube computer monitor sat on that white shelf that cost about 14 bucks.
The church girl versus the freaky girl which one is better?
At first glance one might say its the freaky girl. She is the object of affection all rap videos, all movies and even commercials. The gallant prince risk life and limb to win the beautiful princess. Who just so happens to be a willing virgin with double d breast and long hair. Music is no different you have to be willing to pop it open for a real nigga and that doesn’t mean when the preacher ask you to open your bible to Romans 4:17.
There are no more girlfriends and boyfriends have been extinct since around the time that Snoop Dogg dropped his first album. A few years ago someone said you’re single unless you’re married and the whole idea of a relationship went poof.
There are no more couples just people who love each other without titles. Everyone I know is in a “situation.” They have a friend, with no title. They are just fucking someone. They are cut buddies. They are kind of sort of dating. If you’re in a situation like this I’d like to apologize.
I have a tendency to drive beyond the speed limit when on the highway. I drive even faster when I am running late! For the most part, no harm, no foul, as I usually get to my destination as anticipated. But every now and then, the red and blue lights of a police cruiser appear in my rear view mirror and the pigs give me a ticket.
The 20s is a critical time in any woman’s life. However, when you throw relationships into the equation, many people are quick to give you a laundry list of why you shouldn’t do it. Trust me, I should know. From the unwanted “You should date around and enjoy your life” speech to the snide comments about the seriousness of my relationship, I’ve heard it all. And to all of it, I’ve rolled my eyes, politely nodded, told people to keep their nose and advice out of my relationship and even been two seconds away from telling someone to f*** off because she’s just a baby mama with no prospect of a ring in the near future (yeah, I was tempted to go for the jugular with that one but I figured I’d be inflicting a deep wound that wouldn’t easily heal).
I haven’t been able to write anything great lately. Every time I sit in front of the screen with the urge to write nothing comes out. It’s just hasn’t been working. Then while sitting in deep thought I began to wondering if women are responsible making sure their man remains faithful.
A lot of women, some more bitter than others will say, a man should be man enough to stay with one woman, but that’s bullshit. There are 11 women to every man, half of the men are ugly. That makes 22 women to every man, half of those guys are gay. So that puts it at 44 women for every man, but half of the guys left have a small dick. So that leaves it at 88 women for a good dude like myself so unless a woman is doing her thing the good men have a whole bunch of options.
Photo via Jumping Jasmine via Jazzyjamjumping.tumblr.com
You can’t expect the same results as the person next to you when it comes to love because that person might be in a different lane than you. I see it all the time, a young girl is upset because the next chick has found love, while she’s still out here lonely on Friday night. Believe it or not there is a reason the big booty Judy has more men than the good woman with the good job and her head on straight. She’s not only in a different lane, she’s on a different highway.
There are three highways of love, that all have different lanes. There is the above average highway, there is the average highway and there is the below average highway. Your job in life is to figure out which highway you’re on and how to get to where you need to go as quickly and as safely as possible.
The problem is none of you know where you’re going. You’re all lost. I can’t tell you the number of times one of my females friends asked me why can’t she find a man. I tell them all the time, stop comparing yourself to what your friends are doing and start picking from the people on your own highway of love.
Example and Fact: Trey Songz is going to have an easier time pulling more attractive women than I do. Another example and fact, Rihanna is going to have an easier time getting a man than Precious. Now that’s not to say that Precious can’t find a man, but Rihanna will have a lot more options.
A lot of women are looking for a guy like Barack Obama when they are out here running the streets like Sha’Nay-Nay from Martin. You need to come to the conclusion that you don’t want a Barack, you wouldn’t be happy with him and you don’t deserve a guy like Barack.
Same thing for these dudes out here. You can’t get a Michelle Obama if you’re on that good kush and alcohol with a bunch of down bitches you can call. These Bitches might love you and that’s all you’re going to get out of life.
Options are the key. Sometimes we fail to understand what are options are, because we are capable of anything. Sure a Precious can pull a Trey Songz but her chances of bagging a chubby chaser that looks like Flavor Flav are a lot higher. Now, please don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying ugly people belong with ugly people, but I am saying we tend to stick to people who are at least on the same highway as we are.
Chances are you’re not going to crash into a Bugatti in the projects, and if you do, chances are it’s going to be driven by a drug dealer or hoodlum. There are people in the above average lane on the below average highway. With that said, I tend to think that above average people like above average people.
There are people with average looks who do above average things and pull above average people. This is the world we live in. So when it comes to finding love you have to ask yourself are you looking in the right place? You could be on the above average highway in the below average lane and having a hard time finding love. When you’d have a lot easier time finding love in the above average lane of the average highway. I’m just saying.
What highway and lane do you think you’re in? Do you think people are lost when it comes to the type of person they should be with? Let’s have a conversation in the comment section.
Don’t try to change her if she likes you enough she’ll treat you how you want to be treated without you having to force her.
Most of the world does not find true love the first time out. A lot of people will never find it, but will never give up on the quest. This got me thinking about my past relationships and how I handled the transition from what was proven not to be bliss, to my next attempt at finding my Matrix savior (the one). I do not consider myself wise because I don’t make mistakes–to the contrary–I am wise because I genuinely learn from my missteps! The following are some of my lessons learned from my experience.
Everyone wants better. A better job, a better car, a better pair of shoes than the last ones you bought. We all want better. So today I’m going to tell you how to use my law of focus better. How to use the law of focus to help you be a better person inside your relationship. Because good women know they can never stop getting better. So here are 7 factors to being better at getting into relationships.
Written by Adjoa Hackman for Married2TheBlog.com/BlogXilla.com
For the past few years, I have observed something about black men: I don’t see them in relationships with black women. My male cousins would come home with their girlfriends and they were never women of color. Why is that? I have a few theories:
After I published my 4 Laws of Finding Love, I got a bunch of messages from women thanking me and letting me know how much they needed the information. So to help people even more I am going to focus on the Law of Change. In case you still haven’t read them, the law of change is as followed.
If you want love, you must decide to change your thinking. My law of change, is as followed, if you want to change your love life, you must change the way you think. If you believe there are no good men out there you won’t find good man.
I find that Negative Talk is a plague. We talk ourself out of so many things and love is one of them. If you want to find love you have to change the way you think, talk and behave.
Dating is definitely not easy. When you consider the pool of men women have to choose from, men with kids aren’t necessarily top choice. However, if the guy happens to be a good one, the fact that he has a kid doesn’t become such a problem, if you know what you’re getting into.
I am at home one day, getting ready for a long day of work ahead of me. My ritual of eating my breakfast and checking my social feeds were behind me–all that was left was to groom for the day. I walk into the bathroom, turn on the shower and then all of hell breaks loose!
Relationship blogger Xilla Valentine of Married2TheBlog.com and the “champion for good women” speaks at Xilla’s One Night Stand. If you ever wondered how to find a boyfriend or why you can’t find love then you need to listen to Xilla’s Four Laws Of Love. It’s all the information you will need in order to find, attract and fall in love with the person of your dreams.
If you can’t watch the video now the laws of love are listed below.
The First law of love is the law of change: One thing I notice is that if you want love you must decide to change your thinking. My law of change, is as followed, if you want to change your love life, you must change the way you think. If you believe there are no good men out there you won’t find good man.
The second law of love is the law of responsibility: If you want to change your love life you have to accept the responsibility for your love life and take control of the situations you find yourself in. Your thoughts, your feelings and your actions all determine if you will find love or not. There is a certain type of woman that a man will bring home to his mother, and there is another type of woman that a man just brings home. Be the woman you want to be.
The third law of love is the love of belief. Your reality is based on what you believe. If you believe you’re not worth bringing home to mother, you’ll never find someone who will bring you home to their mother. Our beliefs hold us back, think about it. We weren’t born with these beliefs we picked them up as we got older. WebMD reports that the average toddler hears the word no 400 times a day, so its no wonder we think we would never find a good person to love us. The law of belief is that what you believe is totally in your control.
The forth law of love is the law of focus. One you begin to focus on the lover your want, it will be come crystal clear when they walk into your life. If you don’t have a concrete vision of the type of person you want then how will you find that person? Focus on what you want that person to look like, how you want them to treat you, and all of the things you want this person to provide for you. Physically, emotionally and mentally. Feel how all of that makes you feel. When you do this, you’ll know exactly when the one walks into your life and you’ll never settle for anything less.
The following letter was written by one of the readers here on BlogXilla.com, looking for advice.
I read your blog from time to time and the other night I came across your post titled “The Good Woman Grade: How Guys Decide to Make You Their Lady.” For the last few years I’ve mostly focused on myself and having fun. My attitude toward dating has kind of been along the lines of “If something happens it happens. If not, whatever, I learned something and I had fun.” Basically not having a boyfriend didn’t matter too much to me until this past Valentine’s Day. Myself and a few friends of mine cannot understand why “hoes stay winning.” In the last 4 years there has not been a single a person that I could bring home to meet my parents and obviously the guys I’ve talked to have felt the same way about me. I’ve had my fun these last few years but soon this not being in a relationship thing is going to become a problem!