There Are No More Girlfriends, Just Situations & Friends With Benefits
There are no more girlfriends and boyfriends have been extinct since around the time that Snoop Dogg dropped his first album. A few years ago someone said you’re single unless you’re married and the whole idea of a relationship went poof.
There are no more couples just people who love each other without titles. Everyone I know is in a “situation.” They have a friend, with no title. They are just fucking someone. They are cut buddies. They are kind of sort of dating. If you’re in a situation like this I’d like to apologize.
You see it’s partially my fault. For the last 6 years I helped promote this mind set. In 2011 I wrote:
I am a veteran of casual sex and I take pride in the fact that I am an OG jump-off. I don’t have to worry about anyone trying to check my phone, read my DM’s or question me about my facebook relationship status. I’d rather NOT enter into a relationship than live a lie.
Well in the Summer of 2012 all of that changed. I started to want to be in a relationship, but I understand girls don’t want boyfriends, and now they not only want a business like Oprah, they want a relationship like Oprah as well. In 2009 the OWN Network owner said:
“Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”
Love hasn’t changed. It’s just a lot harder to actually get the title. That’s a good thing. We need to make sure the person we give the title to is worthy of it. We can always go back and retro-actively apply the title-less time to the amount of time we’ve been together. I must go back to how I felt 3 years ago and ask if the following things are happening is a title still important to me?
- Time After Time: If your boo is spending all day on the phone with you, all day texting you, and hours upon hours at your house or you at theirs. Does it really matter what you call each other as long as you enjoy the time you share together?
- The Gift That Keeps On Giving: Every Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Birthday or Two Week Anniversary they give you a gift, so is being a special friend really that bad?
- Generic Questions: How was your day? Did you enjoy dinner? Does your feet hurt? Can I get you anything? If your title-less lover really cares about the answers to any of these questions you could call them Frankenstein and still fall in love hard.
- Satisfaction: If you’re beyond pleased in the bedroom. Is any other name beside the person’s government important?
- Nothing: The moment when they hold you in their arms, or when they lay in yours, and nothing matters. Ask yourself at that moment if they called you the
Waka Flocka to their Gucci Manewould it even matter?
But I’ve made a goal to rebuild black love. A goal to help the 18-28 year olds understand that there isn’t anything wrong with being in a relationship. That men still court and should court, they just have to demand it. I also want to teach dudes the definition of courting because falling in love is an art. But in the words of John Mayer, “Coupling is a tricky thing.”
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— Xilla(@BlogXilla) April 5, 2013
photo via M. Clay Photography.