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There Are No More Girlfriends, Just Situations & Friends With Benefits

There are no more girlfriends and boyfriends have been extinct since around the time that Snoop Dogg dropped his first album. A few years ago someone said you’re single unless you’re married and the whole idea of a relationship went poof.

There are no more couples just people who love each other without titles. Everyone I know is in a “situation.” They have a friend, with no title. They are just fucking someone. They are cut buddies. They are kind of sort of dating. If you’re in a situation like this I’d like to apologize.

You see it’s partially my fault. For the last 6 years I helped promote this mind set. In 2011 I wrote:

I am a veteran of casual sex and I take pride in the fact that I am an OG jump-off. I don’t have to worry about anyone trying to check my phone, read my DM’s or question me about my facebook relationship status. I’d rather NOT enter into a relationship than live a lie.

Well in the Summer of 2012 all of that changed. I started to want to be in a relationship, but I understand girls don’t want boyfriends, and now they not only want a business like Oprah, they want a relationship like Oprah as well. In 2009 the OWN Network owner said:

“Had we made the official marriage commitment, we wouldn’t still be together. The reason the relationship works is that we get to define it on our terms. It would be very different if we were in a ‘traditional’ relationship where I was expected to be a wife and every now and then cook a meal!”

Love hasn’t changed. It’s just a lot harder to actually get the title. That’s a good thing. We need to make sure the person we give the title to is worthy of it. We can always go back and retro-actively apply the title-less time to the amount of time we’ve been together. I must go back to how I felt 3 years ago and ask if the following things are happening is a title still important to me?

  • Time After Time: If your boo is spending all day on the phone with you, all day texting you, and hours upon hours at your house or you at theirs. Does it really matter what you call each other as long as you enjoy the time you share together?
  • The Gift That Keeps On Giving: Every Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Birthday or Two Week Anniversary they give you a gift, so is being a special friend really that bad?
  • Generic Questions: How was your day? Did you enjoy dinner? Does your feet hurt? Can I get you anything? If your title-less lover really cares about the answers to any of these questions you could call them Frankenstein and still fall in love hard.
  • Satisfaction: If you’re beyond pleased in the bedroom. Is any other name beside the person’s government important?
  • Nothing: The moment when they hold you in their arms, or when they lay in yours, and nothing matters. Ask yourself at that moment if they called you the Waka Flocka to their Gucci Mane would it even matter?

But I’ve made a goal to rebuild black love. A goal to help the 18-28 year olds understand that there isn’t anything wrong with being in a relationship. That men still court and should court, they just have to demand it. I also want to teach dudes the definition of courting because falling in love is an art. But in the words of John Mayer, “Coupling is a tricky thing.

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photo via M. Clay Photography.

Comments
15 Responses to “There Are No More Girlfriends, Just Situations & Friends With Benefits”
  1. ebony says:

    Sad truth, and your the crazy lady when you want to make someone your boyfriend. “you want too much”

    • MR IGNORANT says:

      @ebony, lol naw sweetheart ur not crazy or wanting too much,its just that at this current time men have “lots” of options & being in a relationship voids those options. I encourage u to keep speaking up & letting men know how u feel & what it is u want. That will only help u in the long run. As a single man I can tell u its so many single ladies out here who are looking for a “decent/good” man its overwhelming at times. But truthfully single men nowdays can have their cake & eat it too! Women are at a huge disadvantage becuz the woman to man ratio in society favors us men drastically lol. Good luck @ebony,I hope u find your man!

    • red says:

      Sad I just decided to check out your blog…which is awesome and true. This is why I’m getting divorced now because woman are easy. I’m not I want a title, commitment and the things that go with it, but these new age girls need pray.

  2. raya says:

    I just dont understand why this generation of people are so afraid of commitment?

  3. lady says:

    Yes, even if you have all of these aspects you listed a title is still important. what separates me from all the other people you do these things with?

  4. Name* says:

    Girls do want boyfriends. Girls are just afraid if they put themselves out there and speak up they will lose the chance of that ever happening.

  5. Rachel says:

    When we tell a man we’re interested in a relationship and that you are looking for a boyfriend you automatically get put into the crazy category or thirsty

    • Xilla says:

      I mean girls can get put in the crazy box for a number of things. Depending on how she ask then she gets put in the skitzo box. Not becasue she wants to be with the dude.

  6. MR IGNORANT says:

    Yo xilla this is dead on sir LOL. As a single man I have multiple “lady friends”. A friend of mine asked me when I would settle down & what it was i was looking for in a woman??..my response was idk…im enjoying my situations lol. But I guess when I come across a woman who makes me feel a certain way…I’ll settle down. I just hate to dissapoint my lady friends that r looking for something serious because they are good chicks who are worthy of a relationship,but i just don’t wanna go there with them.

  7. amethyst says:

    Xilla
    Thanks for admitting ur guilt in this issue.. I realize u didnt do this all by urself but ur awareness is refreshing
    If more people admitted their roles in a matter correction might come about easier so I commend u

  8. alesha says:

    i just feel like no one wants to comment at all, my age group today just want to have fun an fuck around an not settle down with no one. also people are rushing in marriage ect…. no one taking the time to get to know someone well. A lot of lust going around

  9. Kiwi says:

    Xillz! You know I been a fan of yours or years and probably around that time in 2011 when you talked wreckless and advocated for title-less relationship…an ambassador for No Strings Attached I kinda got disappointed with the blog. I read this and I see your maturity and I m genuinely proud that you want to make a change…is called growing! I love this nd I m with you on your movement you can do it!

  10. Hello says:

    That’s strange how you can have sex with someone, yet not demand a commitment. I wouldn’t lay with someone who didn’t want to call me their girlfriend.

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