Do You Pull Your Weight in Relationships?
Written by Ariana G. for BlogXilla.com
When I think about relationships, I think of the word partnership. The 50/50, I scratch your back, you scratch mine, “if you keep it real with me, I keep it real with you” kind of deal. Now, I’m not referencing the sentimental, walk in the park and kiss me under the stars part of the relationship. This is more of the full-time job, day in and day out, “love won’t pay the bills” part of the relationship. However you want to dissect those lengthy descriptions, my point is that when it comes down to it, love takes work…from both people. Unfortunately as many of us have come to find out in our own unscripted soap-opera tinged love lives, this doesn’t always happen. This, my friends is called not pulling your weight.
This issue is not exclusive to one gender. A man or woman can be guilty of not putting in their half of the work. Case in point: the textbook case of the good-for-nothing man and the hardworking woman. While she’s getting up at the crack of the dawn to maneuver the crowded subway to get to a job that’s working her to the bone, he’s just chillin’ like Brotha Man from the 5th (raises four fingers) Floor. He doesn’t help out around the house, provide love, comfort, and support to his woman, or attempt to take care of problems as they arise. Clearly, he’s not pulling his weight. As a result, she’s a mix of 1 part rage and 1 part sadness with a splash of disappointment.
Now, consider the flip side, the classic good guy. He makes an honest living and works very hard to build financial security, not swag. He does his best to make his woman feel like the most beautiful, wanted, and loved creature to walk the earth. He’s not perfect (but hey, no person is) but he makes it his business to do right by his woman. While he’s putting in work, his woman can be found laying back doing nothing. She’s never satisfied with the effort he puts forth. She’ll make him go to the ends of the earth for her and even then, she still wants him to go further. She’ll nag and complain and you can bet that she won’t oblige the slightest request her man makes. Clearly, she’s not pulling her weight. Now he dreads dealing with her and his life plays out like that Gil Scott-Heron song: “Home is where the hatred is / Home is filled with pain / And it might not be such a bad idea if I never, never went home again.”
I can sit here and write all day about how wrong that is and that if you happen to be in that type of relationship, find someone better. But it’s my creative and seemingly civic duty to go at this from another angle. If you happen to be in a relationship, it pays to sometimes ask yourself “Have I been pulling my weight?” Truth be told, it’s easy to sometimes to get caught up in what we [women] see our honey not doing that we don’t notice where we come up short (pause). We want our partner to do what he can to make us happy, but we don’t keep in mind that the concept goes both ways. So before you go all Janet Jackson on him and break out with a rendition of “What Have You Done for Me Lately?” make sure he can’t ask you the same thing. Remember, it’s not about what you can get out of a relationship; it’s about what you put into it.
And in the words of Jerry Springer, take care of yourself, and each other.
In your opinion, what does it mean to pull your weight in a relationship? How do you deal with a significant other not pulling his/her weight?