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The Reason Those Other Girls Got Men And YOU DON’T

Photo via Jumping Jasmine via

You can’t expect the same results as the person next to you when it comes to love because that person might be in a different lane than you. I see it all the time, a young girl is upset because the next chick has found love, while she’s still out here lonely on Friday night. Believe it or not there is a reason the big booty Judy has more men than the good woman with the good job and her head on straight. She’s not only in a different lane, she’s on a different highway.

There are three highways of love, that all have different lanes. There is the above average highway, there is the average highway and there is the below average highway. Your job in life is to figure out which highway you’re on and how to get to where you need to go as quickly and as safely as possible.

The problem is none of you know where you’re going. You’re all lost. I can’t tell you the number of times one of my females friends asked me why can’t she find a man. I tell them all the time, stop comparing yourself to what your friends are doing and start picking from the people on your own highway of love.

Example and Fact: Trey Songz is going to have an easier time pulling more attractive women than I do. Another example and fact, Rihanna is going to have an easier time getting a man than Precious. Now that’s not to say that Precious can’t find a man, but Rihanna will have a lot more options.

A lot of women are looking for a guy like Barack Obama when they are out here running the streets like Sha’Nay-Nay from Martin.  You need to come to the  conclusion that you don’t want a Barack, you wouldn’t be happy with him and you don’t deserve a guy like Barack.

Same thing for these dudes out here. You can’t get a Michelle Obama if you’re on that good kush and alcohol with a bunch of down bitches you can call. These Bitches might love you and that’s all you’re going to get out of life.

Options are the key. Sometimes we fail to understand what are options are, because we are capable of anything. Sure a Precious can pull a Trey Songz but her chances of bagging a chubby chaser that looks like Flavor Flav are a lot higher. Now, please don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying ugly people belong with ugly people, but I am saying we tend to stick to people who are at least on the same highway as we are.

Chances are you’re not going to crash into a Bugatti in the projects, and if you do, chances are it’s going to be driven by a drug dealer or hoodlum. There are people in the above average lane on the below average highway. With that said, I tend to think that above average people like above average people.

There are people with average looks who do above average things and pull above average people. This is the world we live in. So when it comes to finding love you have to ask yourself are you looking in the right place? You could be on the above average highway in the below average lane and having a hard time finding love. When you’d have a lot easier time finding love in the above average lane of the average highway. I’m just saying.

What highway and lane do you think you’re in? Do you think people are lost when it comes to the type of person they should be with? Let’s have a conversation in the comment section. 

16 Responses to “The Reason Those Other Girls Got Men And YOU DON’T”
  1. Rachel says:

    i think ive found my problem! I change lanes to adapt to the man in dealing with instead of making the man live up to my above average fast lane! no longer

    • Xilla says:

      I mean as long as you find someone on the same highway as you’re on you’re good. Like Your man doesn’t have to be above average now but if he’s on that road you’re good! lol

  2. bree says:

    although im almost 100% sure i should be in the above average lane, there is something very intimidating to me about a man that also fits that bill. Am i crazy? whats wrong with me? am i secretly below average?

    • Xilla says:

      no i am not crazy. I think i am in the avg highway in the above avg lane. or in the below avg lane of the above avg highway. Like i have room to grow but i understand that my status is getting me things I shouldn’t and wouldn’t get otherwise . We just need to be honest with ourselves

  3. Topnotch says:

    I think at one point women realize when theyre in the presence of an above average man, and maybe i am a little full of myself but I just dont feel the need to compete with below average women to gain his attention. I think all men in all lanes can get distracted by the average and below average women who approach him daily pretending to fit my bill, but seriously, how long am i supposed to show you how worthy we are of EACHOTHER if your still entertainment Miss queen of the basics? please, help me.

    • Xilla says:

      Just because a below avg chick has his attention now the above avg chick will always gain his attention. It’s not about competing. In the words of LL Cool J “I come to realize that i need true love and if you want to give it to me then make yourself seen. I’ll be waiting.” You might be in the blind spot.

  4. raya says:

    im not going to scream that im above average, but I do well with what I have, but i know my weakness is getting with men everybody and they mamas know that dont deserve me. Why is it im average or more but I reallly cant let go of someone in a lesser lane?

  5. ebony says:

    Now you’re preachin. tell these chicks to stay in their lane Xilla! lol

  6. Chad says:

    Great article. After reading this, I decided to have above average highway.
    Thanks for the interesting share.

  7. MR IGNORANT says:

    Im laughing at these comments because it seems like everbody wants to claim they belong on the “above average highway” lol smh. A lot of womens problems is that they won’t except the truth,u deserve the kind of men u attract! So if ur dealing with dudes who rolling on the “avg” or “below avg” highway then 9 times outta 10 the woman is avg or below average. Keep it real with yourselves first then maybe u could find someone that’s in your lane LOL. I laugh whenever I hear chicks say “stay in ur lane” or “she’s not on my level” as if they’re on a much higher plateau smh. Peoples egos are clouding their judgement of the kind of person they should be with. So ladies don’t look for a ferrari type dude when ur only a buick regal type chick,and then act like ur too good to roll with a Buick regal kinda dude LOL. Be honest,make life simple.

  8. ALESHA says:


  9. Pressplay says:

    Great piece. At the end of the day, We can always upgrade our lanes. But always recognise where you are, where you wonna be and who you wonna share your lane with. Period.

  10. Another factor that comes into play are women who follow bad advice from other women who don’t have a man or is in a dysfunctional relationship they contributed to.

  11. Edwin says:

    Some women want a lot from men without giving little in return. That’s another reason why some women are by themselves and others aren’t because they understand the give-and-take approach towards relationships.

  12. We are constantly in competition with each other over superficial achievements. Once we eliminate that we would be fine in this world.

  13. Ghenjia says:

    I started life clearly driving the below average highway. I was overweight, poor and less out-going than a turtle. I chose to pull off into the parking lot and work on my car. 1) I worked on being someone I wanted to date. I worked on taking care of myself. I had to invest in myself if I wanted others to buy it 2) I educated myself. 3) I re-entered on the slow lane. I volunteered. I went to galas, not clubs. I did just like you said and dropped the O-doggs and stopped looking at that type. I met people at political, charity, alumni and business events. I focus on driving my highway and not off-ramping from loneliness. 4) Respect yourself AND your man. Don’t tolerate anyone who doesn’t follow this rule. Bad manners is just that. Classy people give respect and don’t expect people to “earn it.”

    I’m happy to say I’m married to my dream man after 4 years. It took 10 years of driving. This is sound advice like your other blogs.

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