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Monkey Bars Are Good For Kids, Not Relationships: How To Move On

Photo by Damian Loeb

Written by Ron Brown For

Most of the world does not find true love the first time out. A lot of people will never find it, but will never give up on the quest. This got me thinking about my past relationships and how I handled the transition from what was proven not to be bliss, to my next attempt at finding my Matrix savior (the one). I do not consider myself wise because I don’t make mistakes–to the contrary–I am wise because I genuinely learn from my missteps! The following are some of my lessons learned from my experience.

Completely Let Go:
Monkey bars are good for kids, not relationships. Too often people will break up with their partner and then go back to them in a moment of weakness for various reasons. They hold on to the one they don’t want to be with until they can find someone new to move on to. Just like monkey bars, you don’t let go of the previous, until you grab the next. This concept is unwise for both parties involved, as it short changes you the opportunity to assess what you had, lacked and needed. You require time to yourself to refine your focus. Ties severed are often best cut clean.

We all want the most attractive package we can find, but we can’t let that take precedence over values and compatibility. Let’s be clear–I am not saying the ugly bird should get the worm, but you will be better served with a well rounded person who meets all or most of your needs than one who meets one or very few of them. That “ugly” person who treats you like royalty may be a better fit than the “attractive” person who treats you like trash! As I get older, I understand that what the food tastes like is far more important than what it looks like. The key is to find the meal that gives you a little bit of everything.

Be Gracious:
This next lesson is a tough one, but it is also a very important one. Be happy for your ex and allow them their space. One of the worst things you can do is obsess over what your ex is doing. Following them on social networks, talking to mutual friends about them, wondering what they are doing, etc. are all detrimental to your success for a happy future. Your past is just that, your past! It can be a good frame of reference for your future, but it is not to be confused with it. There is a reason things did not work out and this has to be accepted. Furthermore, it will help everyone involved if you can just accept the fact that your relationship has run its course and be happy for the other person whenever possible. Sour grapes may make a great wine, but they serve no other purpose.

Don’t Sell Yourself Short:
The one thing I see done all the time and I have been guilty of in the past is jumping into a relationship with the next person who shows interest in you. Having someone show interest in you can be a great confidence booster, but it does not make that person Miss/Mr right. Your approach with this person should be cautious. Have as much fun as you can, but slow it down before you commit. No one should be in a rush to get into another bad relationship–and this is what usually happens when you settle too soon. This may sound cliché, but that doesn’t make it any less true: there are plenty fish in the sea. If this person is interested in you, someone else will be too!

Enjoy the single life:
Being single can arguably be the best experience of your life. Some people don’t want to be alone–and that is okay, but consider the benefits. It gives you time to figure out what you need, the flexibility to prioritize your life and the freedom to do what you want, when you want to, without compromise! Even if this time is short lived, it may be the defining moment of your future success.

Ron Brown – He who feels he has learned enough… hasn’t

13 Responses to “Monkey Bars Are Good For Kids, Not Relationships: How To Move On”
  1. mary joesph jr says:

    Yes!!!! I definitely needed this article. I’m going through a breakup and normally I don’t turn back or swing to the next, but I have this time. This article was a wakeup call for me.

    • Ron B says:

      I wish I learned a few of these points sooner or that I had this type of resource. But as they say… It is never too late (or too early for that matter) to learn!

  2. bree says:

    Breaking up is hard, to move along is even harder. I am stuck on your proverbial monkey bars!

    • Ron B says:

      Monkey bars strengthen your shoulders, but not your love life. Believe me when I tell you that there is a next for every ex. The sooner you move on, the sooner you will get to them! Nothing will motivate you to get your next meal more than not eating for a while. Snacks mess up your appetite!

  3. Rachel says:

    Its hard walking away from something you’ve built and watching someone else reap the benefits of your work.. sour grape <—

    • Ron B says:

      You did not just build them–they built you too. Nothing will give you greater satisfaction than showing them that you have moved on successfully. If you really cared about the person you left you will feel the pain, but it is very important that you do not show, otherwise you give them the upper hand! Being strong builds character. Show your ex that it was their loss.

  4. jasmine M. says:

    I always get caught in between trying to find my balance and selling myself short with the next person whos interested. I begin to think Im trying to balance too many things, and because of that say, “Well, The next guy that just has A,B,C ill give a chance, but then they end up not being enough to complete what i need.

    • Ron B says:

      The great thing about the next person is that you have the time to slow things down. In the “courting phase”, things are usually great. Take that and run with it! That persons true colors will come out soon enough. The early stages of a relationship is a sprint where as the “commitment phase” is a marathon. Pace yourself accordingly! You will eventually find the right one.

  5. ebony says:

    I needed this, I struggle with moving on in relationships i’ve invested my heart into. I think i just need to begin legging go, as well as forgiveness.

    • Ron b. says:

      Letting to being the more important of the two. It is better to snatch a loose tooth out and be done with it, rather than tugging at it and prolonging the pain! The fact that you know what you struggle with puts you further ahead in the process. Knowing is half the battle!

  6. Ron B. says:

    Letting to being the more important of the two. It is better to snatch a loose tooth out and be done with it, rather than tugging at it and prolonging the pain! The fact that you know what you struggle with puts you further ahead in the process. Knowing is half the battle!

  7. GlamGangsta says:

    My Reply to the Balance section of this article.

    I meet a lot of great guys who are sexually unattractive. I used sexually instead of physically because I have been sexually attracted to physically unattractive guys. I feel that if I am turned off by a Man Sexually he will only end up in the Friend zone, no matter how great he treats me. I know, I have a problem, but I have no clue how to change this. I feel like this is somewhat a reason for my being single.

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