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Maybe Woman Shouldn’t Have 100% Say In Abortion

Last week I read an article that blew my mind. So much so that after reading it I came to the conclusion that a woman shouldn’t have a 100% say in getting an abortion. Just writing makes my skin shiver but its’ how I feel. Please allow me to explain.

Here is what happened. A couple hired a surrogate mother to have their child. Everything was going well until a check up revealed that the baby only had a 25% chance of having a normal life. The couple who donated the sperm and egg to make the baby the surrogate was having decided they no longer wanted the baby.

They had 3 other kids and couldn’t commit the time to caring for a special needs child let alone the thought of bringing a baby into this world for a life of suffering and medical treatments. But the surrogate refused to get the abortion. The couple offered her a lot of money, but she still refused.

Gaby of the Thought Catalog writes:

The surrogate thought the life deserved a chance. But she also had kids of her own and bills to pay so she sought an adoptive couple for the child. (However, the baby was still legally and genetically the couple’s. See where this is fascinatingly confusing?)

So she found a woman with experience raising special needs children and she and her husband agreed to adopt the baby. Then, the baby is born, right? And it turns out the first couple wants to be listed on the birth certificate as the baby’s parents…

The story gets weirder and being that the surrogate hi jacked the whole plan she ended up going on the child’s birth certificate and no father was listed. Then the story just gets sad:

As expected, the baby has a slew of medical problems. She can’t walk, talk or use her hands properly and she’s fed with a tube.

This is a baby who was “born to suffer” especially when such suffering could have been prevented by an abortion.

After reading this there was a major conflict in my mind. Up until now I have always believed it is a woman’s right to do with her body what she sees fit, but now I realize there are too many other factors involved. Having a baby doesn’t just change the mother’s life it changes the father’s and the baby’s life as well.

As a father, I understand we don’t have say in abortion. Whether we want a child or don’t want a child our opinion ultimately does not matter. The woman gets to do what she wants and honestly I don’t think thats fair.

If I’m willing to step up, I don’t get the opportunity to raise my child, be an amazing father or look into my child’s eyes for the first time. I won’t get to teach him or her how to ride a bike, throw a ball, or ask the child’s sisters to babysit.

At the same time, if the mother doesn’t want the child, then she is forced to raise a baby she never wanted, but what if the father is willing to step up and raise the child without a mother? There are so many twist and turns that the whole concept of abortion is totally screwed up.

I’m pro-choice and this topic hits close to home on many levels. But I want to know what y’all think? Do you think a man should have more say in the abortion process? Lets converse.

Comments
9 Responses to “Maybe Woman Shouldn’t Have 100% Say In Abortion”
  1. bree says:

    The day a man can physically have a child is the same day he can have a say in whether or not someone else can have a baby.

  2. jasmine M. says:

    This is such a tough topic. There would have to be steep legal documentation that states the father take over 100% guardianship of the child with the mother not being help accountable for the child she did not want to have. i dont see that happening though

  3. raya says:

    Men always think they can have a say over what we women choose to do with our bodies, whats next? my husband can decide whether or not i can take birth control?

  4. Rachel says:

    Extreme cases like this one lead to unnecessary legislation. Yes, in some unique cases there are times when a woman should not be able to singlehandedly make the decision about having an abortion, but just as well, your body is your body, no matter how many sperm cells someone else has provided to make your tummy bulge.

  5. toya says:

    In the case of the surrogate it was definitely not her decision to make. When she decided to sell her body for the couple to have a baby with their own DNA she gave up her right to choose. Same thing with egg donating you give up that right when contracts are signed and/or checks are cashed. On the other hand regular circumstances call on people to take more responsibility for their actions. I’m pro-choice but personally would think twice now about getting an abortion and yes the father’s opinion would matter because what kind of father would he make if asked for an abortion but at the same time there are men that want their kids but turn around and be terrible parents and vice versa. We don’t want kids having sex because they are not responsible enough, so in essence we think as adults we are more responsible but quite frequently that’s not the case when we end up getting pregnant of having babies by people we don’t want to have them by or just not wanting kids period. We use sex for pleasure but forget the only real purpose of it is to reproduce. So being the pleasure seekers that we are, protection and contraceptives were created but even with those methods everyone know the fine print does not read 100% effective. Right then and there is your choice. We may not think about it when the liquor or hormones are flowing but we can’t say our high school health teachers didn’t tell us. Unfortunately for men your decision is made when you ejaculate after that it’s basically you gave it up- it’s hers now (talk about getting more than you bargain for), so hopefully you chose a woman that’s willing to allow you to have a say after the fact and it goes for married and unmarried couples. Abortion is a woman’s alternative not a man’s. We’re the ones that suffer thru the 9 months and labor or the physical and emotional pain of an abortion and I believe rite now 72%? of single parents are women regardless of what the situation with the father is. No, men don’t have an alternative choice but we all do have an initial choice it might not be fair but when is life ever fair?

  6. Tasha says:

    I don’t believe that the man should have a say in whether a woman decideds to have an abortion. If she decides to keep a child based on a man’s opinion she’ll have to carry the child and deal with the burden of medical bills and other expenses that go along with being pregnant. Wonder would a man who wants to keep a baby be willing to pay for that. Also there’s the chance that the baby could arrive on this Earth and his/her father decides for whatever reason that he isn’t as dedicated to being an excellent father. There’s a possibility of that happening especially since men decide they don’t want to parent and leave their children behind all the time. Ultimately a man can give his opinion whether its wanted or unsolicited but he must understand that his opinion is only an opinion. The woman still can make the choice. If I were in this situation I would value my boyfriend’s opinion but at the same time he would have to realize that the decision will be all on me.

  7. MissNovember says:

    I think that the man should have some say, at least here him out. I am a female, but women don’t make babies alone so why should she be so high and mighty about how to handle the situation. If we want to be treated equally, it would be nice if everyone had some equal input.

  8. Ron B. says:

    A man does have influence on the decision of abortion. His thoughts and his voice are what represents his opinion as to what should happen. It ends there. Think about it in these terms… You get sick and decide to go to a doctor. The doctor determines you have cancer. The doctor determines the best course of action is chemotherapy. You are terrified of the process of chemo and you don’t want to suffer through it. The doctor then bypasses your decision and forces you through the process anyway. You make it through chemo, but die shortly after. Do you think it was right for that doctor to rob you of your quality of life and make a decision as to how you should spend your remaining days? Women are in this position when it comes to abortion. Not only does it take a physical toll, but a psychological one as well. No one should be forced to endure any kind of suffering based on the opinion of another. I am pro choice–and you can probably tell by my name that I am male. As a man, I understand that I need to think through all possibilities before making a decision to have a child or putting myself in a situation that will result in one. If I don’t like the opinion of the other person involved, then I won’t go through with it. We all have power– too often we are not smart enough to use it!

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