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Don’t Take Advice From Baby Mamas With No Prospect Of A Ring by @718_pen_artist

Photo By Last Night’s Party

Written by Ariana G for

The 20s is a critical time in any woman’s life. However, when you throw relationships into the equation, many people are quick to give you a laundry list of why you shouldn’t do it. Trust me, I should know. From the unwanted “You should date around and enjoy your life” speech to the snide comments about the seriousness of my relationship, I’ve heard it all. And to all of it, I’ve rolled my eyes, politely nodded, told people to keep their nose and advice out of my relationship and even been two seconds away from telling someone to f*** off because she’s just a baby mama with no prospect of a ring in the near future (yeah, I was tempted to go for the jugular with that one but I figured I’d be inflicting a deep wound that wouldn’t easily heal).

Are your 20s a time that you should explore all that life has to offer like painting the town red with a bevy of sexy, young, educated men? Hell yeah. Are your 20s also a time where you happen to find someone out of that bevy of gorgeous men that you dig so much that you end up developing a relationship? Yes. Truth be told, relationships in your 20s aren’t a bad thing and shouldn’t be seen as such. Here’s why:

You’ll make (and learn from) your mistakes earlier.

Your 20s are going to be wrought with numerous mistakes. You’ll make mistakes in your finances, career, and especially your relationships. Some mistakes will be so minor that you’ll be able to brush the dirt off your shoulders and move right along. Other mistakes will be so earth-shattering that you’ll wonder if you even have the will to live afterwards. Whether the both of you are angry and say hurtful things to each other, one or both of you cheated, or you didn’t establish important boundaries early on, you can guarantee there’ll be some bang-ups in the throes of couplehood. But you know what the good thing about mistakes is? You can learn from them. By being in a relationship in your 20s, all your mistakes won’t be in vain because if you take the time to learn from them and gain valuable insight, you’ll handle future situations or relationships much better.

You’ll learn the meaning of the word compromise.  

When you’re in your 20s, you’re feeling your independence. You can do what you want with who you want for however long you want. It’s a freeing feeling that can’t be matched. Then comes along a relationship and compromise comes into play. All of a sudden, compromise looks like a major threat to your independence. However, it doesn’t have to be. Compromise simply means that the both of you are renegotiating certain things in order to be fair and considerate to each other. Now that doesn’t mean you go ahead and compromise your morals and values for your boo. That’s hustlin’ backwards and I don’t endorse that. Learning how to compromise (the right way) and be fair early on can be beneficial for your relationship and other areas in your life.

You’ll learn what you (don’t) like or want in the long run.

When you’re single, you start making lists about what you want or don’t want in a man. Pretty soon, you start taking a page out of Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas’ book and making up crazy requirements. When you’re in a relationship, you start to understand that you won’t get everything that you want in your man. For example, he may be the romantic and affectionate type but he may leave his dirty clothes in the middle of the bathroom floor. He may not make a lot of money but he’s good to you and makes sure you’re taken care of emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When you’re in a good relationship—emphasis on good—you realize what truly matters and even if things don’t work out, you’ll develop a stronger idea of what you want or need in the long run.

If you’re smart, you’ll learn how to balance “me” and “we.”

In your 20s, you’re finding yourself. You’re developing your ideas and perspectives and making your own rules. Even though it can be an awkward process filled with triumphs and upsets, it’s wonderful when you can know who you are (flaws included) and be comfortable with it. When I look at relationships today, I have such a profound respect for couples who can be together yet maintain a sense of self.  These types of relationships show us that they can enjoy each other’s company and develop a loving and giving relationship without neglecting the core of who they are as individuals. My own relationship is built on that value. Truth be told, I think it goes against my very nature to be or be with someone who’s co-dependent, needy, and/or clingy. It’s a metaphorical virus that my mind and body starts to reject, but I digress. Your newfound independence doesn’t have to take a backseat just because you’re in a relationship. Instead of going to one extreme or another, use your 20s to make your own rules and find a medium that can leave you fulfilled as an individual and as part of a couple.

Do you think relationships in your 20s are a bad idea? If so, why? If you are in a relationship in your 20s, what about it makes it worth your while?

8 Responses to “Don’t Take Advice From Baby Mamas With No Prospect Of A Ring by @718_pen_artist”
  1. Ron Brown says:

    Very insightful and absolutely correct! The sooner you begin, the sooner you can finish. This does not mean that you have to get there in that time frame, as everyone has their own unique journey, but having this kind of insight gives you an opportunity to reach your relationship goals faster!

  2. Rachel says:

    Just what I needed to read. My 20′s have already began to show me so much about love and relationships, but like you said i am glad I can experience these things while I am younger so I know how to react when it comes along again.

  3. ebony says:

    I think serious relationships are a problem when your that young. Your at an age where you think you know exactly what you want but in reality you havent even seen enough to begin to know what you NEED.

  4. lady says:

    I think my relationship is strong despite our ages. Age doesnt define love nor experience. Its all about maturity. IF your mature enough to handle a mature relationship and understand that you have someone good beside you, why wait?

  5. bree says:

    Fuck love im tired of trying! *tyga voice* lol wait i think i just showed my age here! seriously though, 20s are for growth. Its hard to grow with someone who probably loves you the way you are and would be heartbroken at the idea of you changing or blossoming into a completely new person. Make lifelong friendships, but wait to push them into a new realm.

  6. raya says:

    Im not opposed to love or relationships at this stage in my life, i just dont think the men in my age range are. Im not going to be with someone i dont think is ready, whether or not he has the potential to be a great man. If hes not ready he wont be just because he likes me.

  7. alesha says:

    well i just got out of a crazy break up that i moved from san diego to maryland then he broke up with me, an still living with him. i dony regret the choice i made . i have grown a lot, have a lot to learn. i just be focusing on school an working. being 21 going on 22 soon, i came to idea that wow i was sooo much ready for commitment well he gave up too fast. so there nothing wrong dating in 20s just make sure your ready an you meet the right person who can have your back

  8. mariah daniels says:

    love is love just because i’m in my twenties doesn’t mean i should just hook up because i can. i follow my heart and the rest follows.

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