Don’t Take Advice From Baby Mamas With No Prospect Of A Ring by @718_pen_artist
Written by Ariana G for BlogXilla.com
The 20s is a critical time in any woman’s life. However, when you throw relationships into the equation, many people are quick to give you a laundry list of why you shouldn’t do it. Trust me, I should know. From the unwanted “You should date around and enjoy your life” speech to the snide comments about the seriousness of my relationship, I’ve heard it all. And to all of it, I’ve rolled my eyes, politely nodded, told people to keep their nose and advice out of my relationship and even been two seconds away from telling someone to f*** off because she’s just a baby mama with no prospect of a ring in the near future (yeah, I was tempted to go for the jugular with that one but I figured I’d be inflicting a deep wound that wouldn’t easily heal).
Are your 20s a time that you should explore all that life has to offer like painting the town red with a bevy of sexy, young, educated men? Hell yeah. Are your 20s also a time where you happen to find someone out of that bevy of gorgeous men that you dig so much that you end up developing a relationship? Yes. Truth be told, relationships in your 20s aren’t a bad thing and shouldn’t be seen as such. Here’s why:
You’ll make (and learn from) your mistakes earlier.
Your 20s are going to be wrought with numerous mistakes. You’ll make mistakes in your finances, career, and especially your relationships. Some mistakes will be so minor that you’ll be able to brush the dirt off your shoulders and move right along. Other mistakes will be so earth-shattering that you’ll wonder if you even have the will to live afterwards. Whether the both of you are angry and say hurtful things to each other, one or both of you cheated, or you didn’t establish important boundaries early on, you can guarantee there’ll be some bang-ups in the throes of couplehood. But you know what the good thing about mistakes is? You can learn from them. By being in a relationship in your 20s, all your mistakes won’t be in vain because if you take the time to learn from them and gain valuable insight, you’ll handle future situations or relationships much better.
You’ll learn the meaning of the word compromise.
When you’re in your 20s, you’re feeling your independence. You can do what you want with who you want for however long you want. It’s a freeing feeling that can’t be matched. Then comes along a relationship and compromise comes into play. All of a sudden, compromise looks like a major threat to your independence. However, it doesn’t have to be. Compromise simply means that the both of you are renegotiating certain things in order to be fair and considerate to each other. Now that doesn’t mean you go ahead and compromise your morals and values for your boo. That’s hustlin’ backwards and I don’t endorse that. Learning how to compromise (the right way) and be fair early on can be beneficial for your relationship and other areas in your life.
You’ll learn what you (don’t) like or want in the long run.
When you’re single, you start making lists about what you want or don’t want in a man. Pretty soon, you start taking a page out of Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas’ book and making up crazy requirements. When you’re in a relationship, you start to understand that you won’t get everything that you want in your man. For example, he may be the romantic and affectionate type but he may leave his dirty clothes in the middle of the bathroom floor. He may not make a lot of money but he’s good to you and makes sure you’re taken care of emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When you’re in a good relationship—emphasis on good—you realize what truly matters and even if things don’t work out, you’ll develop a stronger idea of what you want or need in the long run.
If you’re smart, you’ll learn how to balance “me” and “we.”
In your 20s, you’re finding yourself. You’re developing your ideas and perspectives and making your own rules. Even though it can be an awkward process filled with triumphs and upsets, it’s wonderful when you can know who you are (flaws included) and be comfortable with it. When I look at relationships today, I have such a profound respect for couples who can be together yet maintain a sense of self. These types of relationships show us that they can enjoy each other’s company and develop a loving and giving relationship without neglecting the core of who they are as individuals. My own relationship is built on that value. Truth be told, I think it goes against my very nature to be or be with someone who’s co-dependent, needy, and/or clingy. It’s a metaphorical virus that my mind and body starts to reject, but I digress. Your newfound independence doesn’t have to take a backseat just because you’re in a relationship. Instead of going to one extreme or another, use your 20s to make your own rules and find a medium that can leave you fulfilled as an individual and as part of a couple.
Do you think relationships in your 20s are a bad idea? If so, why? If you are in a relationship in your 20s, what about it makes it worth your while?
— Ariana G.(@718_pen_artist) March 2, 2013