Dating Men With Kids Is The New Black
Written by Ariana Gaillard for BlogXilla.com
Dating is definitely not easy. When you consider the pool of men women have to choose from, men with kids aren’t necessarily top choice. However, if the guy happens to be a good one, the fact that he has a kid doesn’t become such a problem, if you know what you’re getting into.
First, what you must understand when dating a man with a kid is that you’re not just dating a man; you’re dating a man and his kid. As a child of a man that was once on the dating scene, I can tell you firsthand that the Parent + Child package is real. Take it or leave it. If the man is looking for a serious relationship, he’s trying to see how you interact and get along with his son or daughter. So get ready to go on dates that will consist of going to family-friendly places like the amusement park, museum, etc. and prepare yourself to watch countless hours of cartoons that make no damn sense. If you’re not ready to accept that kind of deal or kids really aren’t your thing, let him know from the jump. If you try to play the potential stepmom role and you’re not really ready for it, you’ve wasted his time and yours.
If you’ve accepted the Parent + Child dating package, congratulations! I hope you read and understood the terms and conditions. Depending on the dynamics of your man and his ex’s relationship, you may be public enemy #1. More often than not, the baby mama, ex-girlfriend, ex-wife(y) or whatever can’t stand the thought of the man she once had a relationship with being with another woman. She may not want him; she just doesn’t want anyone else to have him. As for the child, he or she being around you is adding insult to injury in her eyes. Once the jilted ex finds out about you, sh*t just got real. From that point on, your relationship might consist of menacing phone calls, surprise visits to your place, dirty looks, Facebook subliminals, and the like from the immature BM (baby mama). Even if your man is smart enough to keep you away from the drama, you’ll still get numerous accounts about how she’s making his life a living hell via frequent appearances in family court, child support payments, and anything else that she can conjure up. Unfortunately, these are the horrible side effects of dealing with a man with a kid. If you don’t experience this, consider yourself lucky.
It’s always a good thing when you and the child (and all respective parties) can get along. However, this type of relationship is extremely delicate. There are relationship dynamics involved in this situation other than the one you have with your man. There’s a dynamic between your man and his ex, the child and his/her mother, and your man and his child. It’s important to respect each dynamic and its boundaries. Translation: stay in your lane. Don’t expect to be called mommy after a few months of dating; the child already has a mother and that won’t change. The way you approach the relationship with the child is the way you should approach the relationship with the man: with sincerity, kindness, and respect. Let things progress naturally and you can possibly develop a great relationship with the child.
If you decide to date a man with a kid, it does have its challenges but it can give you a new perspective on dealing with men. You may see the nurturing, protective, and loving side that ultimately makes him a well-rounded man. If that’s the case, give him a chance…just be sure to know what you want beforehand.
Have you dated a man with kids? If so, did you have issues with the ex? Did you develop a good relationship with the child?
I’ve never dated a guy with kid(s), and probably wouldn’t. As a matter of fact, that’s number 2 on my checklist; he can’t have kids. I know there is always a baby mama (not wife) lurking in the background. There are probably some good guys out there with kids, but I wouldn’t know, and I may have shortened my dating pool, but it’s my preference. Why bring baggage to a non -baggage situation….
Although I prefer a man with no children, there isnt anything more attractive to me than watching a man be a great dad. The situation is not ideal, but a good man can make it a lot easier to deal with.
I am selfish and can admit that, so I cant date a man with children already. Coming into a relationship never knowing what it feels like to be his number one is something i don’t want to do. And if you are a man with a child, and you put me before your children, I have a problem with that. So no, not for me.
Im dating a man with kids right now, and clearly the lord is testing me. I think it would be easier if the child was younger, but he is in his terrible teens and the last thing he wants to do is like me. Ive given it quite a bit of time but theres been nothing I can do to convince him that im here for the long run.
Teens are usually tough to deal with when dating a man with kids. However, your man should stress to his son that no matter what he should be respectful and try to give you a chance. It always helps to have some back-up.
i feel like wen u date a man with a kids you need to be at a certain age like late 20s-30s were u want to settle down an know what you want in life whats missing is a man an children, being 21 an dating a man who 35 with kids well be epic fail
I was definitely one of the those girls that said that I wouldn’t date a man with kids and guess what happened I ended falling for one with kids LOL it definitely not planned you can’t help who you love. The reasons above were mainly why I didn’t want to date a man with kids because of the drama but it all depends on the circumstances of that relationship (you, the man, child/children and the mother).
Even before I had children I preferred Men with children. I know that sounds a bit crazy, however; I felt Men that had children and were in their lives the way a father should be were more responsible, and more likely to settle down. Now that I have two children of my own, I even more so prefer a Man with children. They understand when you can’t go on a date because your child isn’t feeling well. They understand what you go through dealing with the other parent and what not. You can date comfortably its not awkward for your child to be around the person you are dating because they too have children and understand them. Not to mention you get a good look at what kind of Father the man you are dating is, and will be if you two decide to have children together in the future.
I’ve always been attracted to older guys, and the older I get, the more common it’s becoming that men have kids; especially since pretty much my whole graduating class are parents now. It’s a hard fence for me to be on, really. One side of me loves kids, and I could deal with them coming along. But the other side is young, without being held responsible for anybody else. So the parental concept is a hard one for me to grasp. Plus, I wasn’t the most welcoming of children that my father brought his women around, and I’m sure that’ll backfire on me eventually, LOL. Baby mama drama isn’t something I’m too worried about. You’d deal with that same type of drama even if kids weren’t involved.