Dating Men With Kids Is The New Black
Written by Ariana Gaillard for BlogXilla.com
Dating is definitely not easy. When you consider the pool of men women have to choose from, men with kids aren’t necessarily top choice. However, if the guy happens to be a good one, the fact that he has a kid doesn’t become such a problem, if you know what you’re getting into.
First, what you must understand when dating a man with a kid is that you’re not just dating a man; you’re dating a man and his kid. As a child of a man that was once on the dating scene, I can tell you firsthand that the Parent + Child package is real. Take it or leave it. If the man is looking for a serious relationship, he’s trying to see how you interact and get along with his son or daughter. So get ready to go on dates that will consist of going to family-friendly places like the amusement park, museum, etc. and prepare yourself to watch countless hours of cartoons that make no damn sense. If you’re not ready to accept that kind of deal or kids really aren’t your thing, let him know from the jump. If you try to play the potential stepmom role and you’re not really ready for it, you’ve wasted his time and yours.
If you’ve accepted the Parent + Child dating package, congratulations! I hope you read and understood the terms and conditions. Depending on the dynamics of your man and his ex’s relationship, you may be public enemy #1. More often than not, the baby mama, ex-girlfriend, ex-wife(y) or whatever can’t stand the thought of the man she once had a relationship with being with another woman. She may not want him; she just doesn’t want anyone else to have him. As for the child, he or she being around you is adding insult to injury in her eyes. Once the jilted ex finds out about you, sh*t just got real. From that point on, your relationship might consist of menacing phone calls, surprise visits to your place, dirty looks, Facebook subliminals, and the like from the immature BM (baby mama). Even if your man is smart enough to keep you away from the drama, you’ll still get numerous accounts about how she’s making his life a living hell via frequent appearances in family court, child support payments, and anything else that she can conjure up. Unfortunately, these are the horrible side effects of dealing with a man with a kid. If you don’t experience this, consider yourself lucky.
It’s always a good thing when you and the child (and all respective parties) can get along. However, this type of relationship is extremely delicate. There are relationship dynamics involved in this situation other than the one you have with your man. There’s a dynamic between your man and his ex, the child and his/her mother, and your man and his child. It’s important to respect each dynamic and its boundaries. Translation: stay in your lane. Don’t expect to be called mommy after a few months of dating; the child already has a mother and that won’t change. The way you approach the relationship with the child is the way you should approach the relationship with the man: with sincerity, kindness, and respect. Let things progress naturally and you can possibly develop a great relationship with the child.
If you decide to date a man with a kid, it does have its challenges but it can give you a new perspective on dealing with men. You may see the nurturing, protective, and loving side that ultimately makes him a well-rounded man. If that’s the case, give him a chance…just be sure to know what you want beforehand.
Have you dated a man with kids? If so, did you have issues with the ex? Did you develop a good relationship with the child?