The End Of Courtship? Not So Fast. How To Change The Date Culture Of Text Messages
Have you ever expected to go out on a date with someone only to find out that the word date meant, hanging out with the person and their friends? We all have. This is the topic of a recent article I read in the New York Times which said that we are in the era of group dates and courtship is pretty much dead.
I don’t know about y’all but I still enjoy courting women. I like occasional phone calls, inspirational text messages and one on one dates over drinks and a nice dinner. That’s my thing, but it turns out I might be considered vintage in the dating world.
The NYT article points out:
“Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.”
I hear women complain a lot about men who only text, or over use the text message, but I feel like text messaging your lover can be useful. Now text messages shouldn’t be the only form of communication but it should be taken advantage of. If you’re at work a text can make it seem like the two of you work together. A text can quickly let a person know they’re on your mind. Still the moment when you have been texting for over a week and haven’t heard the person’s voice. It’s a problem. Pick up the phone hold a conversation it could save you a lot of time. No sense chasing someone via text messages if they can’t hold a real conversation. Phone calls require courage, ego and thought. Because phone calls require topics to actually talk about.
The article also points out that people aren’t using dates to get to know each other, but rather using their PHD’s in Internet Stalking Skills on people’s social media profiles to get to know one another.
Instead of dinner-and-a-movie, which seems as obsolete as a rotary phone, they rendezvous over phone texts, Facebook posts, instant messages and other “non-dates” that are leaving a generation confused about how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend.
I understand where the frustration is coming from, but I don’t buy into the logic that more information is a bad thing when it comes to dating. Social media gives you way more information on a person. It has always been important to know who your potential boyfriend or girlfriend were friends with? Now you can find this out, and also know what they are talking about.
A quick look at my reader’s Bri timeline and I see she’s a considerate and helpful person. She pointed out a typo on someone’s website in a very polite way, and then reminded people to be considerate of their girlfriend’s feelings. She is showing signs of a wonderful heart that every guy should hope their lady possesses in a relationship.
Is courtship fucked up? Of course it is, look no further than Love and Hip Hop. Rich Dollaz claims Erica Mena when its convenient. When they are on a dual interview they are engaged. When he’s one on one interview he tells people they messing around. I don’t know about y’all but I have never met a woman who is okay just messing around with someone. Even if a girl is messing around with a dude, she says, Yes we are friends, but I digress.
On the same show, Joe Budden has his ex girlfriend over his house while his current girlfriend relaxes in a pool as the former couple argues over whether or not he slept with one of his females friends. Are we more understanding lovers or is the game just fucked up?
I feel like until a study is done on not just how new media has changed society, but how we can use new media to effectively enhance our lives, new media will continue to be a problem.
Having more information is useless if you don’t know what to do with it. Information can be abused, but we have to figure out exactly how Social media can work for us in our love lives.
So less group dates and more one on one time. Picking up the telephone and asking someone on a date — required courage, strategic planning and a considerable investment of ego.
Less text messages and more phone calls. The article points out that people put more effort into finding a movie to watch on Netflix Instant than composing a coherent message to ask a you out.”
Continue to use social media to get to know one another, but match that social media time with in person time. Online research makes the first date feel unnecessary, because it creates a false sense of intimacy. You think you know all the important stuff, when in reality, all you know is that they watch ‘Homeland.
With all of that said, I saw a meme this week that read, “Chivalry isn’t dead. It just followed wherever being ‘lady-like’ went.” Today more and more women are thinking like dudes. They don’t want a relationship, they don’t want a title, they just want to have fun and live life. So for many women a ‘date’ can’t be a date. Dudes are more likely to get some if they invite her out with her friends.
At the end of the day, men of the 90′s and early 2000′s finally got their way. Its’ up to us to change it back.
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