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Do They Put In The Effort To Love You?

Since I started my blog people ask me all types of questions. Most of the questions are about sex, love and relationships. The question that I get asked most is what’s the key to a healthy relationship? Well, I give them the same answer, Effort.

I cannot count the amount of times I’ve chatted with one of my female friends and she tells me a horror stories about a dude she is seeing. Most of the stories are the same regardless of the details. Some of you might even be going through the same thing. You’re dealing with someone who is not putting in the effort to make it work. He’s too busy to call you on the phone. She keeps forgetting to text back when she says I’ll hit you back in 30 minutes. It’s a constant lack of effort that’s leading to heart ache and frustration.

Regardless of the situation I tell them the same thing. If a person wants you they will put forth effort to make it work and if they don’t move on. I say that because there is no such thing as busy when you want to make things work. If you’re really interested in someone you’ll make time, “I can’t see you at 8 but if you have time at 10 I can see you then.”

If you want it to work nothing will stop you from making it happen. It’s that simple, you’ll be anĀ irresistibleĀ force to get to the one you want. It might not be when you want it but it will happen. There is no waiting to figure it out. You don’t hold people’s feeling hostage if you want to make things work.

Once upon a time there was a girl I fancied. I tried hard but my conversation just wasn’t hitting. I tried to take her out but she could never make time. But when Drake was in town she made time to be passed around by his entourage. When ASAP’s home she gets a gut full of as soon as possibles. If you know what I mean.

So one night while people watching on the Internet I saw her make an effort for someone with more millions. While I would of gladly dropped some bands to see her dance she didn’t want my brand because if she did she would of put in the effort to make time for us. But she never did and luckily for me, she is someone else’s problem.

I know this because I am the same way. There is another girl who has been trying to get my attention for over ten years but I don’t want her. But, I can’t bring myself up to say I am just not that in to you and she is not getting the hint.

I find that most people don’t get the hint. They get frustrated and upset. They stick around and be unhappy with someone who refuses to do the things the other person needs to make them happy. They refuse to invest time and make an effort to simply be there.

When all the person needs to do in order to be happy is ask them self. Is this person putting in the effort I desire? The effort I am worth and the effort I require? If the answer is no then it might be time to move on.

15 Responses to “Do They Put In The Effort To Love You?”
  1. MsDva says:

    I freakin love this. I just had a good conversation with my ex about this. Guys expect for you to do the work but when u ignore them back you’ve been “m.i.a.” or “stranger”…no I’m doing what you do :)

  2. Nae says:


    This is definitely a good post. :)

    People make time for the people they want to make time for. There is no point in being available to someone who is UNemotionally available because your feelings will just be in limbo, and as you said, you will just get frustrated.

    People have to come to terms with reality, and take things for face value. Often times, we know when a person wants to be with us; we just can’t bare the thought of that idea being an actual reality. When truth is, we are living it daily.

    That’s why knowing your value and your self-worth is very important. Because people will eventually use you and abuse you, if you let them. You teach people how to treat you.

    It does suck when you want someone, but they don’t want you. But it sucks even more when you invest time, money, and energy into that very person, and they still think nothing of you.

    Don’t play yourself…


    • Xilla says:

      you said it right! Knowing your value and self worth. I feel like a lot of people don’t know that. They put up with so much stuff for no damn reason. Love is not suppose to hurt but all too often it does. great comment

  3. cece says:


    Hands down best post ever

  4. shorty says:

    Too accurate… I’ve been married almost 7 years and that is STILL a point of contention. It never ends. As a person IN a relationship you will always have to ask yourself and your partner if you are putting in enough effort. It’s a scary reality.

  5. missa says:

    I’ve been on both sides of this. It’s hard to know when to walk away sometimes. I know I wasted years in a relationship where I was the only one making an effort most of the time.

  6. Tristan says:

    We often tend to undermine our own values and what we actually deserve in a relationship because of the depth of love we have for our partners, effort is the bedrock of relationship. Stop making excuses time and time again for your partner when he or she is not giving you what your worth. Know your value and when its time to move on.

  7. MaryJosephJr says:

    Yooo I’ve been talking about this exact same subject with a few of my girlfriends. And you Mr. Xilla have nailed it! I’m definitely sharing this!

  8. Loved this post. 100% true Zilla. If someone wants you, they will make the time. If they don’t make the time, they don’t want you. It’s not rocket science. As for the groupie chick, you surely dodged a bullet. She’s about a lifestyle. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

  9. Luxetips says:

    Preach. Preach.Preach. Excellent and truth.

  10. samantha says:

    Thanks for this!So glad to hear a man say this, this is info is along the lines of the kind of advice my mom & grandma used to give me…. Simply put, “when someone wants you, nothing can keep them away, when they don’t, nothing can make them stay.”

    Great post.

  11. Carrie says:

    I’ve been in a committed relationship for 7 years now and my fiancee is the only person in my life who I can come to and spill all my beans, good or bad. I really appreciate her unconditional love and understanding for me.

    A relationship does take effort. We’ve been through our ups and downs, all around.

  12. Tia says:

    Nice post. But, just like the other person should “just walk away” you should also be able to tell that person that your heart isn’t in it. If you are not saying this explicitly, what is the other person supposed to do? Either you what me or you don’t the only way to know is through your words AND actions. People will believe in anything to be happy. If you don’t tell that person you don’t want them, they will either believe you do, or try to convince you that you do since it seems you haven’t made up your mind. Sounds like you are leading this poor girl on. You must be getting something from her. You should TELL her exactly how you feel instead of hoping she figures it out one day. We’ve all been here :)

  13. Reggie Kray says:

    Great post. I also believe that many relationships are not successful because some people want to be in a relationship instead of having a relationship with that person. They want a relationship because wanting a relationship feels right when in reality they feel nothing for the other person.

    Great post and can’t wait for the next one


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